The Self-Improvement Conundrum and What to do About It
January 2, 2017
Get Ready! Anything Can Happen.
January 22, 2017
You buy in because “he/she” comes across as very thoughtful and supportive.
What you can’t see are the subtle manipulations that will become more pervasive as you spend time with this personality type.
It could be your boss, your coworker, family member, friend or love interest.
It’s so confounding because the nice things he/she does and the way it feels as if this person is truly on your side.
This person will leave you feeling deeply cared for – even while an agenda is being played out. When this person is happy with you, he/she will rain down sunshine and leave you feeling on top of the world.
You see, this type of person is extremely charming, fun to be around and will feel as if you are the one that is in control by the way he/she communicates with you.
However, that is just an act to keep you under control. When you do stand up for yourself as a person in your own right, you will see this person’s true colors, and they are not pretty.
You may find yourself falling into people pleasing mode to keep this person happy, especially if you have any co-dependent traits.
In reality, you are a non-person to them.
When you stand as a person, the problems begin and it will be more difficult to get along. This person may distance from you or rage at you or act out in other unhealthy ways. Perhaps attempt to publicly shame you and ruin your good name.
The disrespect of your boundaries will be passed off as a way of “wanting what’s best for you”.
This person will do whatever he/she wants regardless of whether it hurts you or not. Your other relationships might begin to suffer and you won’t even see the small snowball as it builds into an avalanche until it’s too late.
This person is not, and never will be your friend. Instead, you need to protect yourself, and especially when they are acting the nicest toward you because that’s when it’s the easiest to let your guard down.
This is a narcissist or sociopath. They are unhealthy people who are notorious for not being able to change who or what they are.
How do you know you are falling victim to a narcissistic or sociopathic personality?
According to the Cleveland Clinic, a narcissistic personality is formed from extremes in child rearing, such as excessive pampering by one or both parents, or from the opposite end of the spectrum of being abused/neglected. Ex. Maybe her father was an alcoholic or there were other forms of dysfunction. Or, you will hear stories of a “perfect” childhood as the sociopath masks what really happened.
Narcissistic/Sociopath Personality Traits:
→ Are fast and furious about escalating relationships. (They must get their hooks in good and deep before their carefully crafted facade starts to crack)
→ Find it difficult to maintain healthy relationships.
→ Take advantage of others in order to get what they want without regret or conscience.
→ May consider themselves as very skilled in romance; more skilled than anybody else – typically promiscuous.
→ Overly concerned with how things affect them.
→ Can come across as arrogant or overly egotistic.
→ Lack empathy, although can seem very empathetic as a way to get what they want.
→ Usually expect others to agree with them or go along with what they ask for or want blindly.
→ Whatever they crave or yearn for must be “the best”.
→ Behave as is if they deserve special treatment.
→ An insatiable appetite for the attention of other people, such as posting horrendous amounts of selfies on social media in order to garner public attention.
→ Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her.
→ Hypersensitivity to insults (real or imagined), criticism, or defeat, possibly reacting with rage, shame, and humiliation.
→ Chances are high for some sort of addiction.
What to do to protect yourself from a narcissist/sociopath?
If you are in a romantic relationship with them, run for the hills because you will be used up the same as everyone else in their life will have a tendency to become.
Give yourself a chance to grieve for the relationship that you THOUGHT you had. It WAS real for you, and simply a game for the sociopath.
Forgive yourself for falling into this trap, this personality type is exceptionally skilled.
If it is anyone else:
→ Limit the time you spend with them as much as possible and keep a close eye on your level of self-confidence and self-esteem because if there are cracks, the narcissist will exploit them, often without your awareness.
→ When you begin questioning yourself, realize that a narcissist/sociopath is a magician at turning the tables and making you think you are the one that has a problem and they are only acting in your best interests.
The Test
If there is something in it for them, they will not care if your career, home life or other relationships or anything else are harmed. They do not care, and never did – it was all pretend.
→ Question what you do because a narcissist/sociopath is such a master manipulator they will rarely make a direct request. Rather, they will make you think you are acting on your own.
→ Realize the growing feeling of you not being good enough, is false. It is only a symptom of being a minion to the narcissistic personality.
Refuse to be anyone’s minion!
It’s not worth your pain and suffering to stay in a relationship with this personality type. Sadly, it is one that is rarely able to recover from. The rewards you get from the person that you begin to become addicted to can be found in a healthier relationship. It might help to get counseling to help sort through the damages that can be caused.
Thank you “anonymous” for the opportunity to address this epidemic! I leave you all with this:
