Bitch Much?July 18, 2016
9 Tips for Confronting ConflictAugust 11, 2016
In the Beginning…. You first met and somehow knew you were destined to be best friends, lovers, and partners. Everything was fresh and exciting. You wanted to know everything, what they like, what they don’t like, their favorites, how they grew up.
In those first days of falling in love, there was nothing you didn’t want to explore about your beloved. Every new found piece of information was something you held closely to yourself and thought about when you weren’t together.
You just couldn’t seem to get enough of each other.
But it’s now and the shiny newness isn’t so shiny and new anymore is it?
The little annoyances that were endearing in the beginning probably aren’t so charming today. Those personal issues that you’ve both brought into this relationship are starting to rub each other in not so pleasant ways, spurring your inner selves to feel chafed and not quite as beautiful as you both felt “in the beginning”.
That progression is so common, it’s considered “normal”. But it doesn’t have to be like that.
Of course, the issues do need to be worked through, and no matter how emotionally mature you each are, there will still be issues.
Fortunately, there are actually some pretty painless ways of finding the common ground of happiness in your union.
I’ve worked with hundreds of couples over the years that were in every stage of a relationship and have seen great results, when both partners are willing and want it. I’ve learned the most effective thing to do, before anything else is addressed, is to apply a simple method that I’m going to share with you now.
Before I get to that simple method, let me ask you a some questions.
- Are you the same person you were five years ago? Ten years ago? What about one year ago?
- Have you grown as an individual?
- Have you learned new things?
- Have some of your tastes changed?
- Do you view your world any differently today than you did in your recent past?
The probability is very high that you could answer “yes” to at least one of those questions. That “yes” tells us that you aren’t the same person that you were in the beginning of your relationship.
I bring this up because the simple way to immediately improve your relationship is to realize that your partner is also growing and changing. You see, that moment in time when you decided “I know him/her”, you stopped knowing who your beloved is TODAY. That creates a variety of issues, such as taking each other for granted, and failing to fully connect the way you had in the beginning.
Sure, some things don’t change. Maybe your partner has an allergy or medical condition, or loves when you kiss the back of his/her neck. Those things you should remember.
At the same time, you would be amazed at what can and does change, sometimes it is profound, and sometimes barely perceptible. Just look at yourself for an example.
Starting right now, stop pretending like you know your partner. Ask them about his/her day and listen for what you can discover that is new about your beloved today. Then repeat daily.
When you first start practicing this simple method of looking at your partner with fresh eyes every day, your partner may not even notice. That’s not important. You’ll notice and you will begin to remember those feelings of how it was in the beginning, because every day offers you a new one of those.