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The Balance Dance of MarriageJuly 6, 2016
“Trust” is a huge word that stands for the most important ingredient for every type of relationship you will ever have.
This truth stands true whether it’s less obvious and fleeting relationships, say with the cashier who handles your credit card, or the deepest and most enduring types, such as family.
Everyone knows what trust should look or feel like.
Many people, however, are surprised to learn that “trust” is actually an umbrella word that stands for a collection of crucial components.
So let’s break it down.
While considering the components of trust, start with self-trust. This is the same as self-love. If you don’t have it, you can’t give it away.
What that means is to look at yourself and your level of self-trust first. Then look at others in your life.
Before getting started, I need to let you know that Brene’ Brown gets the credit for doing a great deal of research in order to break trust down in the collection of components that it is.
If you haven’t heard of her, Dr. Brown is a PhD and social scientist from Texas. She coined the word “BRAVING” as an easy way to talk about what trust all about.
I’m simply breaking it down into a Reader’s Digest version because I found it profoundly agreeable. So, here it is:
BRAVING for Trust
The first component of trust includes setting and respecting other’s boundaries. This includes the material, physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual realms.
It also includes whether or not you agree with someone else’s boundaries. Everyone deserves respect and it is a MUST for trust to happen.
Doing what you say you are going to do, the way you say you are going to do it, when you say you will do it, is another critical component of trust.
It means keeping agreements, no matter what, even if you don’t feel like it.
Accepting complete accountability for actions, without excuses or blame, is another non-negotiable component of trust.
A vault is the information you keep to yourself, similar to locking something away in a fire-proof safe.
The best way to measure how well you respect others behind their backs, or “keep a sturdy vault” is to ask yourself if what you are about to say about someone else is something that you would say in front him/her.
If the answer is no, you may just want to keep your mouth shut.
Honesty, self-honesty, and living by a high code of morals and values is another component that must be met in order to have self-trust and build trust with others.
Refusing to judge others is one of the more difficult components of trust to develop, or to receive from others, because everyone has an opinion.
Everyone also realizes that being judged can be unfair and hurtful.
Drop the judgments and choose to put your trust in others who also refuse to judge.
Giving the benefit of doubt is another component of trust. Give it lavishly to yourself and others for the best results.
The fact is that most people are trying to do the best they can. We all make mistakes, and we all come up short from time to time.
Treat people as the well-intentioned people they are, at least deep down, and watch how your relationships blossom.
In Summary, for trust to happen, you need:
When these 7 components are in place, then it is safe to trust, and yes, at times that takes bravery.
Brene Brown put it best when she mentioned that sometimes you need to choose courage over discomfort to experience the profoundest levels of trust.
Remember to start with you!